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You want games?   OK, fine.   You got games.   Granted, these are not top-of-the-line souped up 3-D Monsters guaranteed to crash any system with less than a Pentium Four-Octillion with nine-hundred terabytes of RAM, but, hey, they ARE games.   It's kind of like when your dad hands you the keys to the rusted-out 1966 Rambler station wagon and says, "Hey, it IS a car..."   I see it this way: In the midst of all of these geek driven, high octane, ten dimensional games, there's almost nothing fun about them. Sure, a few of them are funny, games like Toonstruck are pretty good but most of them are insanely over-the-top, ultra "serious" forays into a magical realm of Hidden Land of Gepheldifumm. Even worse, the people that play these games seem to think that this stuff is somehow real, that these games mean anything to anyone outside the Geek Hall of Fame.   Also, most games never, ever come close to making fun of the new god that is Technology.   Most techno-evangelists are touting the increase in productivity or communication or whatever that is inherent in owning a computer. To me, at least, this message seems to be just another way to tell us that we should be taking our work home with us.   Screw that.   I like the idea of using technology to make fun of itself. (This is why the internet is so great. Any numbskull can make and publish a web page. This in itself creates much of the "humor" on the internet, many of these fools prove that technology is not always a wonderful thing. As usual, I digress..)   Anyway... As music acts such as Beck, The Butthole Surfers, and The Spice Girls make some wish that certain people should not have access to recording technology, my games make many feel the same way about computers. My point? Simple. The idea that everything that happens on a computer is worthwhile simply because it is ON THE COMPUTER is stupid.   Creating insane computer games with crappy storylines is my way of taking the edge off of the holiness of Almighty Technology. This also makes people feel that they are not completely out of control. The idea that any fool can make games on their computer makes people feel that technology is not out of their reach after all.   Technology should be an accessible, free-style experience that allows people to expand their skills and value through worthwhile means. While it may seem weird to equate my lunatic contructs with the advancement of people-friendly technology, it really IS the way I see it.   Wanna make your own games? Go to www.clickteam.com.   Enough of my raving, here are the games.   Game Files AsterPongMan! After losing their jobs at the video game companies, the ghosts, asteroids, and paddle game components got together to form their own company. After years of research, it was concluded that the only way to combat the 3-D computer gaming revolution was to combine their efforts and create the Ultimate 80s Game... ASTERPONGMAN!!! Yeah, this one's pretty scary... The Interdimensional Electric Coffee Pots of West Phoenix After dropping an insane amount of hallucinogenic drugs, you reach for a piece of pizza sitting next to your rewired food processor and accidentally zap yourself into another realm. In this realm, you meet: The Interdimensional Electric Coffee Pots of West Phoenix Somewhere in your drug induced brain you figure out that the Interdimensional Electric Coffee Pots of West Phoenix need to be killed with Happy Mines. It doesn't get a much weirder than this... Frog Wars IX: Canucks Lose Their Hockey Sticks Gabe is an unfortunate person, he has been forced to work with the unruliest customers on the planet. In an effort to relieve his tension, I created this game for him. In this strange excuse for a shoot-em-up, Professor Robo-Gabe faces off with The Evil Maple Leaf and tries to eliminate the Evil Rain of Frogs. Yes, it's kind of weird. Wah. Bathtub Vs. The Evil Totem Pole I wrote this game in about ten minutes. It is described as "...a video game based on the never-ending battle between Native-American Wood Carvings and Porcelain Bathroom Fixtures." This is a pretty weird game. It is probably a good idea to have a few beers before playing.  Bye-Bye Bin Laden Rather than bring back the draft, the government decided that some of us would be randomly picked to author video games about Osama. This is my contribution. Cuddle Kill 2: The Robo-World Invasion  This is a shoot-em-up sequel to my first Cuddle Kill game. I wrote the first game because I hated the idiots on the usenet group alt.cuddle... I posted the game to their newsgroup and they downloaded it like crazy. They liked it, so I wrote them a sequel... CV-Tech Quality Assurance Score Generator  I once worked with a jerk that screwed me on my tech support QA scores just because he could. He was a complete ass. I hated him and wrote fake software to augment his style of creating QA scores. This program actually wound up being downloaded to the computers in the QA department and got a lot of laughs. Needless to say, I don't work there any more.  Dad Splat  My daughter was pissed and made up this game about me. I accidentally found it on my hard drive and loaded it to the page. The goal is to shoot as many "dads" as possible with a booger gun.  The Diet Game  Kathy, my wife, was bored and made this knock-off game about losing weight. It's actually not too bad. Then again, this assessment comes from the guy that wrote Bathtub Vs. The Evil Totem Pole.  The Goth Game  OK, I don't like goths, so I wrote this pointless game to reflect their pseudo-unhappiness. Wah.  Nuke the Group Home  Yes, I am a licensed psychiatric technician and, yes, I worked with at-risk youth in a forest group home, and, yes, I helped them write this game about blasting the group home to smithereens. I didn't like it there either...  Games You CAN'T Lose  When I had an AOL account, I uploaded a number of games to the AOL gameboards. One of these games produced numerous complaints that the game was "too hard." I wrote this game for all of those losers that think that games should not present a serious challange to those who play.  Kill My Boss  This game is written as an alternative to going postal. From what I can tell, it's not too effective. People are still going to work and blasting their co-workers to pieces.